Things to know about me: I'm a work-from-home mom of a 4-year-old girl, and I stopped making New Year's Resolutions at the start of 2020.
The decision to stop making resolutions was a liberating revelation, a surprise to everyone in my closest circle. I was the avid resolution-setter of the group. Every December 31, I'd clutch a planner, a vision board, and a bag of kale, convinced that, on January 1, I could become a new version of myself.
But here's what I started noticing about resolutions before I decided to stop making them:
- My resolutions were often abstract and vague, making measuring progress tricky: I wanted to be healthier, read more, get out of debt, etc.
- I often created resolutions out of a place of "not good enough" or shame. Looking back, I wish I had infused more wonder and curiosity into goal-setting.
- My resolutions were often held up by the belief that "I need to get it together and be better." In case you're wondering, this wasn't a very sturdy foundation.
By the middle of January, I found myself failing nearly every resolution. Still, I was sure to return in December of the following year for another round of "How many ways can I overhaul my entire life?"
I want to be clear: Resolutions are not bad, but they left me feeling like a failure when I didn't achieve them, and they failed to get to the root of what needed to change: the habits I cultivated daily.
The Shift
Years ago, I walked through severe depression and came out on the other side with a deep reverence for the power of self-discipline. This self-discipline empowers us to make the changes we want to see in our lives.
At the lowest point in my life, I learned the undeniable beauty of small things on repeat: small victories, small changes, small shifts. These moments of joy in the journey and choosing to recognize them keep us going, fueling our motivation and inspiring us to keep pushing forward.
I learned the science behind creating new habits and improving my lifestyle through measurable steps. I started making progress and seeing actual results.
I learned that goals must be tangible and measurable.
I learned that if I wanted to make a serious lifestyle overhaul, I needed to take it one day at a time.
Most importantly, I figured out how to rejoice in the small, finite progress. Without celebration and choosing to partner with yourself, the journey towards self-discipline is so much more challenging.
Motherhood only deepened my understanding of self-discipline, showing me that parenting is about flow, sustainable habits, and family values—not rigid goals and resolutions and often left me feeling like a failure when I didn’t hit the mark.
Enter Rhythms
In my first year of quitting resolutions, I remember sitting down on January 2 (intentionally a little behind everyone else) and writing down some daily, weekly, and monthly rhythms I wanted to incorporate into our lives that year.
The words' rhythms' and 'routines' can be used interchangeably here. Both are patterns you choose to follow regularly; however, the word 'rhythms' accounts for the go-with-the-flow nature we often need in parenthood. In this context, 'rhythms' refer to the intentional and regular patterns of behavior or activities that you incorporate into your daily, weekly, or monthly life to support your goals and values. These rhythms are not rigid like resolutions, but they provide a flexible structure to your life, allowing you to adapt to the ever-changing demands of parenthood and work.
To find my rhythms, I started by getting deeply honest with what I wanted in the year ahead:
- I want to be a more present mom.
- I want not to be so afraid of the finances.
- I want to fuel my body, not just grab and go with whatever is leftover.
- I want our lives to be overflowing with meaningful traditions.
- I want a cozy and peaceful home that serves as a respite for anyone who walks through our doors.
From there, I thought about some routines and rhythms I'd want to implement to align with my vision for the year ahead.
Example:
If I wanted to be a more present mom, I could start with a daily rhythm of unplugging to do a short activity with my daughter where she had my full presence.
If I wanted to fuel my body and not just run on fumes, I could create a weekly meal-prep day to ensure I always had options in a pinch.
Three Kinds of Rhythms
In our home, we set 3 kinds of rhythms, each serving a different purpose and helping us to maintain balance and order in our lives.
Here are the three trusted categories I stand by and some ideas to go with each one:
Daily Rhythms:
- A solid nighttime routine that leaves you feeling rested and refreshed.
- A before-school routine that gets everyone out the door without chaos.
- A nightly "turn down" service where you pick up clutter and transition into the evening half of the day.
- A powerful morning routine that allows you to fill your cup before you spend the day keeping everyone else's life afloat.
Weekly Rhythms:
- A weekly family night that brings everyone together in a low-stakes way. At our house, we live by a tradition called "Pizza Friday." We order pizza, pick a movie, and spend time together as a family.
- A weekly digital sabbath where you power down from email and social media for 24 hours to recharge your batteries (and your soul).
- A weekly house maintenance day where you focus on the tasks that make the household run smoothly: grocery shopping, cleaning, meal-prepping, etc.
Monthly Rhythms:
- A monthly meeting where you and your partner, or you as an individual, sit down to review finances for the month ahead.
- A monthly check-in where you review the last month, reflect on what worked and what didn't and make plans for the month ahead.
- A monthly gathering where you host a couple for dinner or invite friends over, make a playdate or coordinate something at a local park.
Guidelines for Creating Rhythms:
- Make It Simple: New rhythms take time, but you might be tempted to avoid following through if they take too much time.
- Make It Necessary: Do you need to be more present? Do you need more peace in your home? Do you need more energy? Determine you and your family's needs and brainstorm the rhythms to support them.
- Make It Realistic: I like to set 2 daily rhythms, 2 weekly rhythms, and 2 monthly rhythms. Trying to juggle more than that, when you’re just starting out, is often unsustainable.
- Make It Consistent: My personal motto in all areas of life is: apply grace like sunscreen. You are not going to have perfect days all the time. It's okay. Focus on consistency and make it your goal to show up for these rhythms you're creating as much as possible in the year ahead.
- Make It Measurable: This is critical. To make rhythms work, you must find a way to track them. It could be a notebook, a Google Sheet, or a simple habit tracker.
- Make It Work: Get curious about your rhythms and note what's working and what's not.Four months into the year, you may realize that a routine you carved out for yourself isn't working anymore. That's good to know! Tweak it, change it, or try something new.
Whether it’s a quiet morning routine, a weekly family tradition, or a monthly check-in that recalibrates our course, these rhythms have become the threads that hold me and my family together.
Choosing rhythms over resolutions brings more peace than pressure, more growth than guilt. It’s a grace-filled and sustainable way forward. And maybe, just maybe, that’s the secret to making steady progress—one intentional rhythm at a time.
