It is hard to accept that after pouring out your heart, soul and energy into raising children who have grown into nearly perfect young adults, in a few short years they will leave you and go off to college. That was the goal, right? You will cry when you drop them off, and you will cry again when they graduate. But first you will go through the college admissions process together, so you can begin to learn how to let go.
The admissions process can be overwhelming and exciting all at once. A large part of my role as CEO of a college consulting firm is offering compassionate advice on staying grounded, fostering your child’s genuine interests and preserving a healthy parent-teen relationship, all of which starts well before high school.
Here are some tips for parents of college-bound students (even if they’re barely out of diapers!):
Remember that everything builds
Many parents of high school seniors wish they had understood sooner how academic and personal growth are cumulative. Middle school course selection can impact the rigor of high school classes, and the story colleges look for in an application — one of genuine interest and growth — often begins in elementary school, shaped by interests that evolve into meaningful choices and commitments.
Model future planning at home
Children benefit from having a sense of what’s coming. Look at the calendar together and share who’s coming and going and what activities or events are ahead. It’s not just about logistics; it’s a way of teaching and modeling the executive functioning skills that will prepare them to be successful in high school, college and beyond.
Even small routines can help children start to feel ownership and responsibility for their environment. When we run out of a food or household item, I now ask my seven-year-old to add it to the shopping list on our fridge. These moments build awareness, engagement, and independence.
Focus on exploration before specialization
There’s no need for young children to specialize in one activity right away. If they’re not interested or invested, don’t force it. Early on, it’s better to go broad, not deep; there’s plenty of time to narrow focus later. However, without exposure to different experiences, how can they know what they truly enjoy? Let exploration come first; clarity will follow.
Learn how to balance supporting your child without overstepping
As the academic intensity builds and the focus on “what’s going to happen next” gets more real, you have an important role to play as cheerleader and sounding board. That said: this is their journey, and they need to have agency and do the work themselves. That’s how they develop the skills and resilience for everything that comes next.
Remember that the college admissions process is not a reflection of how good a job you did as a parent, or a competition to get your child into a “name school” that will set your child up for life. Talk about why your child is going to college and what they hope to do once they get there. College can and should be transformational.
Find joy in the journey
What surprises many parents during the actual college process is how joyful it can be. After years of worrying, they discover unexpected moments of connection — campus tours, road trip snacks, late-night talks. The realization sets in: their child is becoming their own person.
If there’s one takeaway for parents of younger kids, it’s this: every child is curious. Let them explore and lean into what genuinely interests them. There’s no such thing as a “perfect” college applicant. The ideal applicant is your child at their fullest: curious, engaged, and true to who they are.
